We rank everything these days: TV shows, vacation spots, coffee brands,
and yes, even life choices. Somewhere between “Top 10 Pizza Toppings”
and “Best States to Retire” lives a quieter – but much bigger – question:
how do people really rank parenthood?
Is having kids a 10/10 must-have life experience, a solid 6/10 with bonus
chaos, or a respectful “not for me, thanks”? In the United States,
surveys show a wide spectrum of opinions about becoming a parent, staying
childfree, and what makes family life feel fulfilling (or exhausting).
This article looks at parenthood rankings and opinions from
multiple angles – research, real-world trade-offs, and lived experiences –
so you can decide where it lands on your personal list.
Why We Keep “Ranking” Parenthood
Humans love lists because they give big, messy questions a neat structure.
But when it comes to parenting, rankings are rarely simple. People are
weighing:
- The desire for connection and legacy
- Financial realities like housing, childcare, and student loans
- Career goals and lifestyle preferences
- Concerns about the economy, climate, and kids’ mental health
So when someone says, “Parenthood is the best thing that ever happened to
me,” and someone else says, “I’m happy being an aunt, uncle, or just the
fun friend,” they’re not arguing about facts. They’re ranking based on
totally different priorities and circumstances.
How Americans Rank Parenthood In Their Identities
For Many People, Parenting Is Still a Top Priority
Despite all the headlines about declining birth rates, a large share of
U.S. moms and dads say that being a parent is one of the most important
parts of who they are. For many, it outranks career, hobbies, and even
romantic relationships in terms of identity and daily focus.
Parents also tend to rank their hopes for their kids in practical ways:
most say it’s extremely important that their children grow up to be
financially independent and have a job they enjoy. That tells you a lot
about how parents evaluate themselves too. Their “parenting scorecard”
isn’t really about perfect birthday parties; it’s about whether their kids
can thrive as adults.
The Growing “Maybe Never” Crowd
At the same time, a growing group of adults under 50 say they probably
won’t have kids – and the number one reason many give is simple:
they just don’t want to. It’s not always about money or
infertility or not having a partner (though those matter too). For a lot
of people, a life without children ranks higher than one with diapers,
school drop-offs, and college tuition.
These childfree-by-choice adults often say they enjoy:
- More flexibility in where they live and work
- Greater freedom to travel, rest, or pursue creative projects
- Less financial pressure and long-term obligation
That doesn’t mean they dislike kids. Many are loving aunties, uncles,
teachers, mentors, and neighbors. For them, the “parenthood ranking” is
less about kids in their life and more about whether they personally want
the 24/7 responsibility that comes with being a parent.
Happiness Rankings: Are Parents Actually Happier?
The Research Is… Complicated
You’ve probably seen dramatic takes like “Parents are happier than
non-parents!” or “Parenting ruins your happiness!” The truth is much more
boring – and more human. Large surveys that compare parents and
non-parents often find only small differences in overall happiness.
In other words, simply having kids doesn’t guarantee a blissful life, and
not having kids doesn’t doom you to loneliness. What matters more is the
combination of:
- Quality of relationships (with partners, kids, friends, and family)
- Financial stress or stability
- Physical and mental health
- Social support and community
Parents who have supportive partners, enough income to cover basics, and
good social support often rate their lives very positively. On the other
hand, parents who are single, under severe financial strain, or burned out
from caregiving demands are more likely to report low life satisfaction.
The Daily Roller Coaster
One thing most parents and non-parents agree on: the day-to-day
experience of parenting is a roller coaster:
- A toddler hug after a long day? 10/10, would parent again.
-
A 2 a.m. stomach bug, laundry mountain, and a work meeting at 8? Maybe a
3/10 that day. -
Watching your teen cross the graduation stage? Off-the-charts emotional
return on investment.
Parents’ happiness often swings more dramatically because the stakes feel
higher. Non-parents might not get the same peaks (“first steps,” “first
word”), but they may experience fewer sleepless-night valleys. Both paths
can lead to a meaningful, satisfying life – they’re just different rides.
Pros And Cons Of Having Kids (According To Real Life)
The Big Wins Parents Often Rank Highest
When people who love parenting talk about why, they tend to highlight the
same themes:
-
Deep emotional connection. Many parents describe a
unique sense of love and attachment that’s hard to compare to anything
else. -
Purpose and legacy. They feel their life has a clear
direction: raising a human, passing on values, and building a family
story. -
Built-in community. Kids pull you into social networks:
schools, sports teams, neighborhood events, and friendships with other
parents. -
Personal growth. Parenting can force you to develop
patience, communication skills, and problem-solving in ways you never
expected. -
Everyday joy. Tiny things – mispronounced words, goofy
dances, long bedtime talks – often rank higher in parents’ memories than
the big “Instagram moments.”
The Tough Trade-Offs Parents Often Rank Lowest
Even parents who adore their kids will admit that some aspects of
parenthood slide straight to the bottom of the rankings:
-
Financial pressure. Housing, healthcare, formula,
diapers, sports fees, college – the cost of raising kids over 18+ years
can be massive. -
Time and energy strain. Parenting can leave very little
room for hobbies, rest, or spontaneous plans – especially in the early
years. -
Career impact. Some parents step back from promotions,
change jobs, or pause schooling because of childcare needs. -
Relationship stress. Couples often say that the first
year with a baby is one of the toughest stretches of their relationship. -
Mental load. All the unseen planning – appointments,
school forms, meal planning, emotional check-ins – can feel relentless.
None of these cons automatically make parenthood “bad,” but they absolutely
affect how highly someone ranks it for their own life. For some, the pros
outweigh everything else. For others, the trade-offs just don’t make sense.
Best Places To Raise A Family – And What That Really Means
What The Rankings Say
Every year, different organizations publish lists of the
best states to raise a family. States like Massachusetts,
Minnesota, and North Dakota often land near the top thanks to factors like:
- Strong school systems and higher education options
- Lower crime rates and better access to healthcare
- Higher median incomes and employment opportunities
- More family-friendly policies, parks, and community resources
On the flip side, some states rank lower due to higher poverty rates,
limited childcare options, or weaker school outcomes. These lists can be
genuinely helpful if you’re comparing a few locations and want a quick
snapshot of safety, affordability, and opportunities for kids.
What Really Matters Day To Day
Still, national rankings can’t see into your living room. For most
families, what matters most is:
- Your support system (nearby family, trusted friends, community)
- Your specific job, schedule, and commute
- Whether your child’s school is a good fit for them
- Are there safe places for kids to play and grow?
A “top-ranked” state might not feel great if you’re isolated, stressed, or
mismatched with the local culture. Similarly, a statistically average area
can feel like the perfect place to raise kids if you’re surrounded by
supportive people and your basic needs are met.
Ranking Perspectives: Parents vs. Non-Parents
Parents Who Give It A 10/10
Some parents would absolutely rank having kids as the best decision of
their life. They’ll tell you they can’t imagine their world without
bedtime stories, soccer games, and inside jokes nobody else understands.
These parents often:
- Always wanted to be parents from a young age
- Have decent financial stability or flexible work
- Share responsibilities fairly with a partner or family network
- Have kids who, so far, don’t have severe medical or behavioral needs
For them, the joys and meaning of parenting drastically outweigh the costs.
They’re the ones posting “I’d do it all again in a heartbeat” on social
media – and they genuinely mean it.
Parents In The Messy Middle
Then there’s a large group who might rank parenthood somewhere in the 6–8
range: deeply meaningful, but also incredibly hard. They love their kids,
but if you catch them on a Tuesday night after homework battles and a late
shift, they might say:
- “I’m grateful I’m a parent… but I’m exhausted.”
- “I don’t regret having kids, but I miss my old freedom sometimes.”
- “I wish our society supported families more.”
These parents are a reminder that you can feel immense love and gratitude
and still struggle. Their opinions are often the most nuanced – they see
both the magic and the mess very clearly.
Happily Childfree Adults
On the other side, many adults who don’t have kids – and don’t plan to –
say their lives feel full and meaningful. When they rank their top
priorities, they often list:
- Creative projects, travel, or entrepreneurship
- Close friendships, romantic partnerships, or community work
- Health, mental well-being, and financial security
Some describe feeling relieved that they don’t have to navigate the stress
and cost of parenting in a time of economic uncertainty and climate
concerns. Others simply never felt a strong parental “pull,” and they’re
at peace with that.
Their message, boiled down: parenthood is not the only path to a rich,
connected, meaningful life – and that’s okay.
How To Build Your Own Parenthood Ranking
You don’t need a poll or a listicle to tell you what to do with your life.
But you can borrow some of their questions to build your own
thoughtful ranking. Here’s a simple framework:
-
Clarify your core values. When you picture a “good
life,” what’s at the center – kids, creativity, freedom, stability,
service, adventure? -
Check your feelings, not just expectations. Do you
want to parent, or do you feel like you’re supposed to? Social pressure
is loud; your own voice matters more. -
Audit your lifestyle and energy. How do you handle
stress now? Would you have capacity for sleepless nights, schedule
juggling, and emotional caregiving? -
Look at your support system. Do you have people who
could help – emotionally, practically, or financially – if you had kids? -
Analyze your financial picture. You don’t need to be
rich to be a good parent, but you do need a realistic plan for housing,
food, healthcare, and time off. -
Give yourself permission to revisit. Your ranking might
change over time. Wanting kids at 25 but not at 35 (or vice versa) is
normal.
There isn’t a universal “right answer.” There’s only the answer that fits
your values, your circumstances, and your honest feelings.
Real-World Experiences With Parenthood Rankings And Opinions
Statistics are helpful, but they don’t capture the whole story. To really
feel how people rank parenthood in their lives, it helps to look at real-
world scenarios – the kind you might recognize in yourself or people you
know.
Case 1: The Lifelong “Kid Person.” Imagine someone who
always knew they wanted children. They babysat as a teen, gravitated
toward younger cousins, and dreamed of baby names in their twenties. When
they finally become a parent, the reality is messier than the fantasy –
there are sleepless nights, sticky floors, and never-ending laundry – but
they still rank parenthood as a 10/10. Why? Because the role fits their
deepest identity. For them, even the hard days make sense inside that big
picture of “this is who I’m meant to be.”
Case 2: The Surprised-But-Devoted Parent. Now picture
someone who wasn’t sure about kids but ended up becoming a parent through
an unplanned pregnancy or a partner who strongly wanted children. At
first, they might rank parenthood as a shaky 5/10: overwhelming,
expensive, and disruptive. Over time, as they build routines and see their
child’s personality emerge, that ranking may climb. They might still miss
certain freedoms, but they also gain a sense of purpose and connection
they didn’t expect. Their verdict becomes something like, “Harder than I
imagined, better than I expected.”
Case 3: The Single Parent Holding It All Together. For a
single parent juggling work, childcare, rent, and maybe a long commute,
parenthood can feel like both the best and hardest part of life at the
same time. They may rank their love for their child as a 10/10 but the
system they’re parenting in as a 3/10. Their experience highlights
an uncomfortable truth: when we ask “How do you feel about parenthood?” we
’re also asking “How well does society support you?” Without affordable
childcare, flexible jobs, or a safety net, many single parents are doing
hero-level work in very tough conditions.
Case 4: The Happily Childfree Couple. Consider a couple
who agreed early on that they didn’t want children. They love kids in
small doses – they’re the ones bringing fun gifts to birthday parties and
volunteering as mentors – but when they imagine their ideal life, it’s
filled with travel, creative projects, spontaneous weekends, and maybe a
dog or two. For them, parenthood might rank as a perfectly valid choice
for other people, but maybe a 2/10 for their own lives. They might say,
“We’d make good parents… but we’d rather invest our time and energy
elsewhere.” Their satisfaction comes from the freedom to design their days
around what matters most to them.
Case 5: The Evolving Ranking. Finally, imagine someone
whose opinion about parenthood changes over time. At 20, kids are a hard
no – there’s school, travel, and self-discovery to focus on. At 30, the
idea moves to “maybe,” but financial uncertainty or lack of a partner
keeps it theoretical. At 38, after building a stable career and finding a
supportive relationship, they revisit the question again with fresh eyes.
Their ranking shifts with their life circumstances. This is more common
than people admit: many adults move back and forth between “never,”
“maybe,” and “yes” as they grow and their context changes.
These scenarios share one key lesson: how people rank parenthood
is deeply intertwined with their identity, resources, and support.
The same exact child-rearing tasks can feel like a joy, a burden, or a
mixed bag depending on who you are and what you’re carrying.
Final Thoughts: Your Life, Your List
When you zoom out, parenthood is neither the universal “best” nor the
universal “worst” life choice. It’s a high-impact, high-commitment path
that some people experience as profoundly meaningful and others
respectfully decline. Surveys tell us that many parents treasure their
role, many non-parents value their freedom, and both groups can live
deeply satisfying lives.
If you’re trying to decide where parenthood belongs on
your personal ranking, you don’t need to copy anyone else’s list. Ask
yourself:
- What kind of life do I want to wake up to most days?
- What responsibilities am I genuinely willing and able to carry?
- What would I regret more – having kids I didn’t truly want, or not
having kids I deeply desired?
No matter where you land – enthusiastically parenting, proudly childfree,
undecided, or somewhere in between – your choice deserves respect. In the
end, the only ranking that really matters is the one that lets you build a
life that feels honest, loving, and sustainable for you.
