Having a crush at work is a special kind of chaos. You’re trying to look cute, competent, and unbothered
while your brain is doing cartwheels because he said, “Good morning,” and smiled for two whole seconds.
Meanwhile, your actual job is still sitting there like, “Hello? We have deadlines.”
The goal here isn’t to turn your workplace into a rom-com set (no one wants to be the side character in
“Excel: The Musical”). The goal is to build a real connection in a way that’s respectful, professional,
and low-dramaso if it works out, great, and if it doesn’t, you can still walk past the break room without
needing witness protection.
First: Make Sure You’re Playing on Safe Ground
Check the “rules of the building” before you check his Instagram
Some workplaces are chill about dating, some are strict, and others are “sure, but please don’t make us
have a meeting about it.” Skim your employee handbook or policy portal. If you don’t have access, ask HR
or a trusted manager a general question like: “What’s our policy on coworkers dating?” (No names, no drama.)
Avoid power dynamics like they’re a microwave fish situation
If one of you supervises the other (or can affect schedules, pay, performance reviews, promotions, or
assignments), don’t pursue it. Even if feelings are real, the imbalance can create pressure, perceptions
of favoritism, and serious professional consequences. A relationship should feel mutualnever risky,
coerced, or “complicated because the org chart says so.”
Consent and comfort are the whole point
This guide is about attraction that’s welcome. If he seems uncomfortable, avoids you,
or gives short “polite-only” responses, you don’t push. Your best move is always to stay kind, stay
professional, and step back.
Step 1: Become “Work You” First (Yes, It’s Actually Flirty)
Here’s the plot twist: one of the most attractive things you can do at work is… be good at work.
Not in a “work 90 hours and forget to drink water” way. In a “reliable, confident, pleasant to collaborate with”
way. People are drawn to people who make the room easier to be in.
- Show up prepared. Know your stuff, meet deadlines, and communicate clearly.
- Be consistent. The “I can count on you” vibe is wildly appealing.
- Be friendly to everyone. Kindness that’s selective can look like manipulation.
Also: it protects you. If you ever worry, “What if this gets awkward?” your reputation and performance
are your safety net.
Step 2: Build Real Rapport (Without Acting Like a Corporate Cartoon)
Start small: micro-moments matter
You don’t have to jump straight to “so what are your deepest fears?” Start with light, natural moments:
a quick hello, a small compliment, a shared laugh about the printer being possessed.
Use the “two beats” conversation method
One beat is work. One beat is human.
Example: “Hey, your notes from that meeting were super clear (work). Alsowhere did you get that coffee?
It smells unfairly good (human).”
Ask questions that invite personality, not an interrogation
- “How did you get into this kind of work?”
- “What’s your go-to lunch around here?”
- “Any weekend plans you’re excited about?”
- “What kind of music helps you focus?”
Then listen like you’re not just waiting for your turn to speak. (Nothing says “I like you” like remembering
he’s into hiking and not calling it “that mountain walking thing.”)
Step 3: Show Interest in a Way That Feels Safe for Both of You
Be warm, not intense
There’s a sweet spot between “friendly coworker” and “I have written our future last name in my notebook.”
Aim for warmth: eye contact, smiling, a little humor, and genuine curiosity.
Compliment smartly (keep it workplace-appropriate)
The best compliments at work are usually about effort, skills, or tastenot bodies.
Try:
- “You explained that really wellthank you.”
- “Your presentation had great energy.”
- “That was a clever solution.”
- “I like your stylewhere did you find that jacket?”
Create “excuses” that aren’t excuses
Translation: give yourselves natural reasons to interact without forcing it.
Examples:
- “Can I get your take on this approach?” (when it’s real and relevant)
- “Want to grab coffee before the meeting?”
- “A few of us are ordering lunchwant in?”
Group settings are especially helpful early on: low pressure, low risk, and you get to see how he interacts
when he’s relaxed.
Step 4: Learn the Signs (Without Becoming a Detective)
People show interest differently, but there are common patterns. A single sign isn’t proof; look for
consistency.
Green flags he might like you
- He finds reasons to talk to you beyond strict necessity.
- He remembers details you shared and brings them up later.
- He mirrors your energysmiles back, jokes back, keeps conversations going.
- He seeks you out in group settings or sits near you when he can.
- He offers help (without being weirdly controlling about it).
Yellow flags (proceed gently)
- He’s friendly to everyone (could be personality, not flirting).
- He’s hot-and-cold (could be busy, shy, or unsure about workplace boundaries).
- He’s only flirty when no one’s around (could be privacy… or could be a red flag).
Red flags (protect your peace)
- He flirts but disrespects your boundaries.
- He gossips about coworkers or past relationships at work.
- He pushes for secrecy early (“Don’t tell anyone”) in a way that feels controlling.
- He’s involved with someone else or ignores basic professionalism.
Step 5: Make Your MoveCasually, Clearly, and Kindly
The best workplace approach is simple: keep it outside work hours, make it easy to say no,
and keep it private.
The low-pressure ask
Use a line that’s direct but chill:
- “I’ve really enjoyed talking with you. Want to grab coffee after work sometime?”
- “If you’re free this weekend, want to check out that new place near here?”
- “Would you be interested in hanging out outside of work?”
Notice what these do: they’re friendly, clear, and give him room to respond honestly.
No cornering. No pressure. No “Answer now because the elevator is closing.”
If he says yes
Keep it normal. Pick something low-key and public for the first hangout. Don’t immediately turn into
a secret agent. You can be excited without turning your workplace into a soap opera.
If he says no (or dodges)
You stay classy. Try:
“No worries at allthought I’d ask. See you at the meeting.”
Then you actually mean it. You don’t punish him with silence or weirdness. You just continue being professional.
That maturity is magneticand it protects your reputation.
How to Flirt at Work Without Becoming “That Story”
Workplace flirting should feel like friendly banter, not a performance. Think: subtle, respectful,
and easily stoppable.
Do:
- Keep jokes light and inclusive.
- Match his energy (don’t out-flirt someone who’s barely flirting).
- Use small moments: a quick compliment, a shared laugh, a supportive comment.
- Stay mindful of timedon’t derail work conversations constantly.
Don’t:
- Use sexual comments or anything that could make him uncomfortable.
- Touch without clear comfort (even “playful” can be misread).
- Put him on the spot in front of coworkers.
- Text nonstop during work hours (it can look unprofessional and stressful).
A good test: if you’d feel weird reading your message out loud in a meeting, don’t send it.
If It Turns Into Something: Keep It Healthy and Workplace-Smart
Agree on boundaries early
A simple conversation saves a lot of mess:
“How do you want to handle this at work?” and “What’s comfortable for you?”
Don’t make coworkers your relationship group chat
Office gossip spreads faster than a “free donuts in the kitchen” email. Keep details private.
Your coworkers don’t need to be emotionally involved in your love life to do their jobs.
Plan for the awkward possibility
Not because you’re pessimisticbecause you’re grown and prepared. If things end, you still have to share
a workspace. Being discreet and respectful from the start makes that future far less painful.
Specific Examples That Work in Real Life
Scenario: You barely know him, but you want to start
Start with something situational: “Hey, I’m still learning the ropesdo you know where people usually grab lunch?”
If he engages, follow up later: “I tried that place you mentioned. Solid recommendation.”
Scenario: You work in a busy, fast-paced job (retail, food service, shifts)
Keep it short and friendly: “You handled that rush like a pro.” Then, when you have a quiet moment:
“A few of us are grabbing something after shiftwant to join?” Group invites are gold in shift work.
Scenario: He’s friendly, but you can’t tell if it’s interest
Try a low-key, outside-work invitation. If he says yes enthusiastically and follows through, that’s information.
If he repeatedly dodges, that’s also information.
Extra: of “This Is What It Actually Feels Like” Experiences
Let’s talk about the part nobody puts in the employee handbook: the emotional gymnastics of liking someone at work.
It’s not just “Do I ask him out?” It’s “Do I ask him out while also remembering I have to collaborate with him
on a project called Q1 Budget Optimization?” The struggle is real.
Experience #1: The “Tiny Moments” Spiral. You share a laugh over something ridiculouslike the copier eating paper
for sportand suddenly your brain starts narrating: “We laughed. We bonded. We are basically married.”
The fix is gentle: enjoy the moment, then look for consistency. Does he keep choosing to talk to you when he
doesn’t have to? Does he follow up? Or was it just a funny moment with a coworker (which is still nice)?
Experience #2: The “Is He Nice to Everyone?” Puzzle. You watch him be kind to coworkers, customers, and the
delivery person. On one hand: green flag, because kindness is attractive. On the other hand: you’re thinking,
“Am I special, or is he just a decent human?” The answer isn’t in one interaction. It’s in patternsdoes he
make time for you specifically, remember your details, and look for you in group situations? If yes, there’s
something there. If not, you can still appreciate working with someone who doesn’t act like the office villain.
Experience #3: The “I Don’t Want to Make It Weird” Freeze. This is the most common one. You want to show interest,
but you’re scared of turning into a story people whisper about near the vending machine. The truth: you can ask
someone out without making it weird if you do it once, politely, outside work, and accept the answer gracefully.
Weirdness usually comes from pressure, repeated pushing, gossip, or making work uncomfortable afterward.
Experience #4: The “We Texted… Now What?” Situation. You start messaging, and it’s fun, and then suddenly you’re
sending memes at 1 a.m. and wondering if you’re dating or just sharing a mutual addiction to cat videos.
A helpful move is to gently steer toward a real hangout: “We should continue this conversation over coffee after work.”
That shifts the vibe from “coworker chat” to “intentional time together” without being heavy.
Experience #5: The “He Said No, and I Survived” Plotline. This one deserves more hype. Rejection stings, but handling
it well is a power move. You asked, he declined, and you stayed respectful. You didn’t beg, guilt-trip, or turn the
workplace into a sad playlist. You kept your dignity and your paycheck. And honestly? That kind of maturity makes
you more confident the next time you like someoneat work or anywhere else.
Conclusion: The Best Way to Get Him to Like You Is to Be YouBut Workplace-Smart
If you want a guy at work to like you, focus on connection, not performance. Be competent, friendly, and genuinely
interested. Build rapport through small, natural conversations. Show warmth and respect. If the vibe is mutual,
make a simple, low-pressure move outside work. If it’s not mutual, take the “no” gracefully and keep thriving.
The win isn’t just “getting him.” The win is doing this in a way that keeps your self-respect, your professionalism,
and your peace intactbecause that’s attractive in every setting, not just the break room.
